You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
