Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
