She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
