I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
