he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
