Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
