Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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