eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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