Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
