I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I need moral support for this bender
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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