Swine flu. Run for my life!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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