Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
