I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
