were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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