when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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