P.S. I can't hear my feet
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
