Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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