You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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