The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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