pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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