i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
