I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
