Screwed.edu
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
