I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
