what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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