My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am naked and annoyed.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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