One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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