I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
