proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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