I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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