Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
