Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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