the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
