$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
