I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
