I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
