The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
