checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
