There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
