i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
