she looked like the bat from fern gully.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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