the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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