I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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