She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
