we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
