we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
