The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
