it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
