You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
