the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
