What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
