having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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