Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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