i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
